Archive for July, 2011

Dead end!

Posted in ramdom rambling on July 25, 2011 by prajwalpai

”No poison can kill a positive thinker” 
”No medicine can cure a negative thinker”

Negative thinking is one of the most harmful thing one can do to yourself and to the people who love you. The trigger might come from any external person or anything you see around you. Once you have a seed of negative thought in your mind it will spell doom.It seems that with most people positive thinking requires some effort, whereas negative thinking comes easily and uninvited. This has much to do with education and the environment one has been living in. Too much obsessive negative thinking on one single thought will only lead to confirmation bias.

Ideally, a human with free will could change his or her mind whenever new information warrants it. In practice, humans see new information as supporting whatever dumbass thing they already believe is right. And when we make decisions based on emotion, which is most of the time, we rationalize our actions after the fact.  People gather evidence and recall information from memory selectively, and interpret it in a biased way. It might be sounding too abstract , so let me paint a picture and give a real life scenario on how both negative thinking and confirmation bias work in tandem. And let me add that these conversations actually happened down to single word  and not figments of my imagination. At the end of this read you will realize that regardless of what the guy responds, the gal is biased to believe that she doesn’t love him and he doesn’t love her.

A boy and girl are happy together from few months. A new boy enters the scenario who proposes the girl and the girl is doubting herself if she did the right thing by committing to our old boy. All of a sudden something triggers the girl’s mind to think that they are too different. This seed of negative thought with lot of sleepless nights led to the confirmation bias that first boy doesn’t love her anymore and she never loved him either. A series of unfortunate events follow and their relation hits a dead end.

Response 1 is an immediate impulsive response from the boy and response 2 is also an actual response but after a couple of days in a calm state of mind while being on the same topic.

— I wanna Smoke! — 

Gal- I think I wanna smoke again. Why should I change for you

Guy Response 1 :  I wanted you to stop smoking because you wanted to stop it yourself. You told that you took up smoking to punish yourself and you don’t wanna do that.

Gal Response 1 : This is what I am now and I wanna smoke. The girl whom you fell in love with is not me. You don’t love me!

Guy Response 2 : I didn’t not know that smoking meant that much to you. Now I am ok with smoking but only when you are having very bad days.

Gal Response 2: How could you be ok with me smoking! I know you hate smoking. You don’t love me!

— One hour relation — 

Gal : I might get a promotion. I might leave early in morning and will be coming home late. I might not even get weekends off but a rotating off.

Guy Response 1 : Are you really so serious about continuing your job. From what I hear you and me can only have max 1 hour per day overlap. Do you wanna screw your personal life for your career. You were thinking of resigning anyway and taking up that NGO stuff.

Gal Response 1 : Why should a girl give up everything. I have spent so much of time making this career and you want me to give this up? You don’t love me anymore.

Guy Response 2:  I always wanted you to have a career. I support you in every way, I am fine with one hour relation too. I can easily spend 23 hours knowing that I get you see you for at least one hour and that’s enough for me.

Gal Response 2 : How can you be ok with just one hour per day. You don’t care about me! You don’t love me at all but it’s just your ego that you want to let me go with another guy.

— I cheated! — 

Gal : I cheated on you.

Guy response 1 : How could you do this to me! I trusted you!

Gal response 1 : You are putting words into my mouth! I wanted some time to think all this  but you over reacted and made me tell all this. You don’t love me anymore.

Guy response 2: I think you are just confused right now, don’t jump the gun, take sometime and think before you take a big decision.

Gal response 2 : I am telling you on your face that I cheated on you and you are fine with that? You don’t love me, it’s just your ego that you don’t want to let go of me.

— ! — 

That is how things ended between me and her. I know the drill and my ears are open for the ‘it was not meant to be’ and the ‘something better is in store for you’.  I had given a lot to make this work but this was not meant to be. This brings us to the recurring theme of my life that many things in our life are beyond our control.We are just playing our roles for on a predefined script. It unfortunate but SHIT happens.

The change!

Posted in ramdom rambling on July 12, 2011 by prajwalpai

I quote these lines from a friends post, “Sometimes in life we come and stand where a line is drawn before u, I guess we draw it ourselves. This line emphasizes to us that we have to cross  it, with a little courage, and when we cross it, we would have overcome something, moved ahead and by then begun to see things a little differently than we saw them before. These can be very big ones or small.”

We sometimes are so comfortable inside our self-imposed boundaries that we don’t wanna cross this line. This sometimes might not even matter but on few occasions this can be a life changing experience. We need to understand that the only constant thing in life its the change. No matter how comfortable we are in our current state, nothing stays the same forever. There will always come a time when we will need to move on. Its better to move on and change rather than pushed to move on involuntarily.  As we grow older, it’s not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn’t do. The fear of the unknown or the fear of uncertainty and doubting our ability to cope up with the change are the main things that adds resistance towards change. Sometimes we need to understand that in the fear of unknown in the future might be unknowingly hurting our present. A bit of faith in our friends and loved ones can do wonders and then comes the Leap of Faith. We need to understand that we cannot and need not be totally in control of our life all the time. Give up the need to be in control, take a leap in faith and fear will vanish as the mists in the morning sun.